What If He Wishes for a Kind Wife?

Guest contributor, Lisa Jacobson, Club31Women

It all began in a cafe.

Like so many of the meaningful moments in my life. He and I were sitting together over a grande latte in the newly-opened Starbucks at the Green Hills Mall.

When my dear friend Susan walked in.

My face lit up as soon as I spotted her. She and I had only known each other for a short time, but we'd made an immediate connection the minute we met. Soul-sisters. Our young family had recently moved to Nashville and I'd felt rather alone up until then. Being with her was like a breath of fresh air to me.

So I shot her my sunniest smile, "Hey, girlfriend! C'mon over!"

A big hug before both of us began bubbling over with all the latest news. I complimented her on her new dress. Told her how much I liked the way she was wearing her hair. Thanked her for the book she'd lent me. And said how glad I was to see her!

At some point, I noticed how subdued my husband had become. I waited until she'd left us, then asked him what was up. Something was clearly on his mind. I could tell that much.

He said it so softly, I barely heard him. "I wish you'd do that for me."

Okay, I don't mean to be difficult, but do what??

“Light up with a sweet smile. Speak kindly and say nice things.”

No further explanation was needed. I knew EXACTLY what he was talking about. And he was right.

I was all smiles for Susan.

Saved my grumpies for him. Rarely bothered with the niceties anymore. Not particularly gracious or polite. In all honesty? I didn't offer too much of this kind of thing to my husband. He was supposed to love me "just the way I was". No frills or syrup for him.

But how hurtful for him to see me put on my "sweet face" for everyone else---everyone except the man to whom I'd pledged my lifelong love. Here I was handing out the big smiles and warm compliments to my new friend. And dribbling out the tired frowns and whiny complaints to him.

There's something not quite right about that.

Now don't feel badly if you're cringing. I was cringing too. Somewhat sickened, really. Definitely convicted.

So, girlfriend, that's what got me thinking....

If we're putting on our brightest smiles for our sisters?

If we're saving our warmest words for our friends?

If we're sharing our kindest thoughts with the Girls?

Then we might want to consider how hard it must be for him to watch. Maybe he doesn't mention it, but my guess is that he'd appreciate some of that warmth and kindness shown to him too.

So even if he's around most every day, why not light up when he walks in the room? Tell him how handsome he's looking today. How glad you are to see him. A big hug and maybe a bit more.

Put on your sweet face and say nice things.

Like a breath of fresh air to him.

Be a kind wife.

And on her tongue is the law of kindness (Prov. 31:26).

In His grace,

Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matt Jacobson, literary agent and writer, and together they enjoy raising 8 children. Please join her over at Club31Women, a blog for any wife, mother, or sister who is looking for Biblical encouragement and inspiration. 

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Titus 2sday Link Up Party!

A virtuous woman is hard to find. Live to be the exception!

Today and every Tuesday, I want to invite bloggers to link-up any blog posts that will encourage women to joyfully live out their roles as wives and keepers of their homes I'm looking for posts on marriage, parenting, housekeeping, recipes, etc.

All you have to do is enter the direct link from your post into the linky tool below!

I'd also like to ask you to link back here with the Titus 2sday code (below) so that other bloggers can join in too!

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You are loved by an almighty God,



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When It's Good to Fight With Your Husband

Drawn from my archives

The other night my husband and I had a fight. It’s the first spat we've have in a long time, and it didn't feel right. I was explaining my frustration to him over a work related issue, and he was feeling the pressure between me and things that weren't in his power to change. It was really a small thing, but we were both getting frustrated, and the more that we talked the worse it was getting.

It wasn't so much our words anymore. Body language took over. He was talking, I looked away in frustration, and he let out a huff. Then I shook my head and said, “I’m just looking away for a minute…”

You know how it goes.

The next thing I know, he stands up and walks into the bathroom to get ready for bed, while I’m left sitting there mulling things over.

Michael walked back in the room, turned off his lamp and crawled under the blankets.

I had a choice to make. I could either give him the silent treatment, or I could choose God’s plan for my marriage.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger
and clamor and slander be put away from you,
along with all malice.
And be kind to one another, tender-hearted,
forgiving each other, just as God in Christ
also has forgiven you.
~ Ephesians 4:31-32
Crawling over to his side of the bed, I leaned over and gently kissed his face…

Keeping our cool isn't always easy, but every time we let go and let God we are exercising that muscle of self control.

I’m saying “self control” here because we need to bring our flesh under the subjection of our Spirit. Our flesh wants nothing more than to stomp our feet and have our own way, but our Spirit calls us to be tender-hearted and controlled. That’s where our true strength lies.

When the Spirit is in control we see the fruit of love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness and goodness. But when the flesh is out of control we get angry, short-tempered, abrupt, and stressed out.

I’m not saying don’t fight with your husband. By all means do! But rather than fighting against each other, fight for your marriage alongside one another bringing every thought and every action into the obedience of Christ. Surrender yourselves to the Lord. Stop fighting against the will of God and start fighting for the good of your marriage!

The weapons we fight with are not the
weapons of the world. On the contrary,
they have divine power to demolish strongholds.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that
sets itself up against the knowledge of God,
and we take captive every thought to make it
obedient to Christ. And we will be ready to
punish every act of disobedience, once your
obedience is complete.
~ 2 Corinthians 10:4-6

You are loved by an almighty God,



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The Love Altar by Terri Camp Stevenson

If it weren't for Terri Camp Stevenson, I might have missed the writing boat completely. I probably wouldn't be writing here today and I definitely wouldn't have found the confidence to write an entire book.

Surely I couldn't write. I struggled through school and finally failed grade twelve English.

People like me don't write books unless someone like Terri Camp comes along to remind them that with God anything's possible.

About nine years ago I was working on a book cover design for Terri when I mentioned the fact that I'd love to be a writer. I also mentioned that I was horrible at spelling and grammar so that idea was out of the question.

Terri quickly turned the conversation around and encouraged me to follow my dream. She reminded me that writing was about creativity and that editors were there to take care of the details. With that, I started writing and eventually found myself listed on the New York Times best-sellers list--me, an English flunky! Isn't that such a God thing? I think so!

Terri wasn't just my mentor, she was also my first online friend. Remember those days before facebook? We met in a chat room at Crosswalk of all places. Wow--things have definitely changed!

I've watched Terri's life unfolding over the years, even more so over the past few months. It's with great sorrow when I tell you that after a struggle with cancer, her husband Mike has recently gone to be with the Lord. My heart is breaking for her.

She recently wrote an article called, "The Love Altar." Such an intimate part of her journey, and I have the privileged blessing of sharing it with you.

Thank you, Terri! Our prayers are with you and your family.

The Love Altar

by Terri Camp Stevenson

Mike and I shared an office in the house. Most of our time was spent in that office. It consisted of two matching desks and chairs, a fax machine, a printer, a couple of end tables and lamps, and “The Love Altar.” We also called it, “The table of luuuuuuuv.” It was kind of like a sofa table or buffet table. I’m not really sure what you call it, but it has one little drawer in it. I think the plan was that we would get a TV and put it on the table, although why we would want a TV in our office was a thought that often perplexed me.

At first the table was used as a piling point. You know – flat surface = dumping ground. But we quickly reclaimed the table from dumping ground to hallowed ground. I think Mike was the one with the idea of having an altar of love, a place that displayed how much we meant to each other, as much as worldly things can.

One of the really special things about Mike was that he loved greeting cards. He would often spend hours and hours finding me just the right card. Two years ago for Valentine’s Day we each got each other a card with two beverages on the front. My card to him was two coffee drinks. His card to me was two champagne glasses. Those were the first items on the altar. Then there was the gold box of Godiva chocolates that we shared. Another thing Mike loved to do was buy me cute teddy bears. A couple of bears found their home on the altar. Then we added the book that Mike gave me, a children’s book called, “How Much Do I Love You?” Three new Valentine’s Day cards were added this past Valentine’s Day. Three cards? Yea, I couldn't pick out just one, so I bought Mike two cards. We also added a framed picture of the dinner toast after our wedding. Often a small vase of flowers would be added to the table to add to the romance. I loved this table! I still love the table.

Today I had started the office computer, which is very slow. While I was waiting for it to load I stood up and walked over to the love altar and picked up the card Mike had bought me for Valentine’s Day. Tears erupted without warning as I read his familiar handwriting where he always replaced the dot above the “i” in my name with a heart. Every chance Mike got, he would express his love for me. I hope that he felt the same from me. Even though I’m alone now, when I look at our altar of love, I feel the kind of love that transcends time — and life. The tears flow quickly. Tears that remind me how very much I am/was loved … and loved in return.

See all the hearts?

If you don’t have a love altar in your house, I would highly HIGHLY recommend it. The love you share with your spouse is so valuable and deserves a place of honor and respect. If you could put one thing on that table to represent the love you share, what would it be? I would love to hear what kinds of things you would put on your own altar of love.

Blessings,

Terri

More About Terri

When did you sneak into my home?" is often a question asked by Terri's readers or listeners. Whether you are sitting in her audience getting a good dose of meaningful laughter, or reading one of her books or articles, you will feel a sense that Terri really gets it! She gets being a mom - afterall she has been raising eight of her own children for the last twenty two years. She understands the complexities of life and the longings of women.

Terri is a single mom living in the Dallas/Fort Worth area in Texas. She continues to inspire women while working as a Realtor.

Read, and connect with Terri, as she... connects with you.

Visit her website at terricamp.com

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